MKE week 12 – What the what?

As of this moment I am at a loss, a loss for words, a loss for thought and just lost in general. I am starting to see why in my life I have felt the real sting of people not showing up for me. I try, perhaps sporadically, to really be there for others. I watch, listen, discover their needs and consciously, intentionally and thoughtfully show up for them in the way that they most needed. At least that is my intention. I feel like I am often well received in those moments, but I rarely feel that those moments are reciprocated. Not that I need them to be,  that’s not WHY I do the things I do. It is never an, “I did for you so what are you going to do for me?” Not even a, “hey universe I have been really good, so I can get some good back?” I really do give without expectation of reciprocity. Sometimes there is a bit of a sting when I don’t feel like anyone is showing up for me when I need it. In so many ways it is all good in the end. I learn strength, resilience, self-reliance, determination and such. However it is this program and the events, actions and inaction of the  last few weeks that I see where the real energy lies. The problem is not that I am not giving enough, its who I am giving to, or rather who I am not showing up for. I am consistently not showing up for me! I very often do not do the things I say I’m going to do. I neglect to truly take care of myself in a way that is what I most need. How can I expect others to show up for me when I am not showing up for myself. The question is, how do I change this? By just doing what I promise myself to do, for me? That seems entirely too simple and yet too difficult at the same time. Day by day, I will strive to get better. “For I know that small attempts, repeated, will complete any undertaking.” 

I can be what I will to be.

I always keep my promises. 

Love and light, Marda

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5 thoughts on “MKE week 12 – What the what?

  1. Marda, out of the mouth of babes! Do you realize how powerful “The question is, how do I change this? By just doing what I promise myself to do, for me?” is? Why not put this “too simple” advice you gave yourself to the test, and see what happens. Marda, you have so much wisdom within you!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Wow! Beautifully presented, an issue that many of us struggle with.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I am experiencing the same thing, for me it turns into procrastination☹️☹️


    1. Ugh, yes… I fight that. Procrastination is such a time and energy such.


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