WOW, so I had thought I posted this on the day I finished writing it. I have neglected my blog a bit. Posting week 10 today, which was last week. Holidays will not distract me! 😀
How I would describe myself is a social introvert. This description isn’t of my own imagination but rather something I heard not too long ago from the famous Eric Worre and I thought, “ah, that is me too!” He describes the personality type as basically someone who really enjoys the company of others but then can retreat into a type of isolation. I can totally detach from everyone. I dont answer phone calls, and it can last for one to several days. There are days when I have a hard time interacting with my children and husband. Sometimes, I get engrossed in a project and barely come up for air. Sometimes I just want to watch TV, totally disconnect with a cup of coffee and a treat. During these times I can get annoyed when I’m interrupted.
I have been negative toward myself during these times and have entertained the thought that maybe I suffer from some type of depression. The thing is, if I allow myself the time and I dont negative self talk for being unproductive, lazy, etc… I thoroughly enjoy that time. I can meander through the garden with a cup of coffe for an hour. I can draw and write and dream for hours on end. I have spent whole days drawing and planning. I have also spent whole days watching my favorite shows or movies. The TV8s not as often these days as I realize I am just as happy and feel more accomplished if I spend the time drawing or writing. I have felt guilt… that i didn’t get more done, that i wasn’t productive. Procrastination is real and I can entertain ideas well beyond the point of good idea meets action so I am aware of that. Yet I have become increasingly aware that the time I take to detach is important to me. If I dont take that time I can feel overwhelmed. When I’m overwhelmed I get far less done, I procrastinate more, come up with excuses and have avoidance behavior. The key is finding my balance.
I am going to meditate on this. Possibly its allowing myself time each day to detach. Possibly its planning a day into my week where I have no schedule to keep, no agenda. I know if I don’t allow myself the time that I can overbook, over committ and burn out. Then the time is created because I have a migraine and I take the whole day to recover. That happened this week. Seems better to honor my needs and create down time in my schedule.
I can be what I will to be.
I always keep my promises.
Love and light, Marda