How do I even begin. This week has been a challenge, but nothing external is making it so. The challenge is my old blueprint is really trying to run this show. I find myself saying things like, “its okay to skip a read here and there, it’s not like it is that big of a deal, I mean I’ve already read it all about 100 times anyhow.”
Thankfully I know these statements are not true and I push through, or have been. This week my push back is running at about 80-90%. I am really trying to not go to the place of disappointment and self-thoathing. I can see that this is my addiction. I am addicted to disappointing myself. Then I can get into my negative self talk and feel defeated. I can wear a depression like a warm familiar blanket. I can lower my expectations of life so that I can feel better. Knowing is half the battle right?
The muck is deep right now. It is already 10:55 pm my time in Florida and I am running out of steam, so I think this is all I have for tonight. I have a press release to complete and my evening read to get in and I’m usually in bed no later than 10. The rest of the house is asleep. I’m ready for this to get easier… not the “work,” the reading, the study, the sit, the linking is I know what’s going to get me there. I am ready for it to get easier to stay in the positive. I’ m ready for peace in my soul. Meanwhile I will continue to do the work and know that it is coming. I was made by greatness for greatness.